Growth in the hardest and best way possible.

I am not the person I was even a year ago. This is both good and bad and I will explain why. Last year was hard in a lot of ways, besides the global pandemic and death everywhere. It was also the end of the death of my old life. I had a life where I convinced myself that I was doing fine and that my life was meaningful and important. I also convinced myself that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life going in and out of dead end relationships and dates. What I wanted was in me all along, and everyone close to me could see it, but I refused. I was in a dead end job with coworkers who would become my work family. My job wouldn’t help me grow only keep me more stuck. But since dead ends and being stuck was the theme I accepted it. I have the best friends and family that a girl could have and I would only make it through the hardest year as of late with them taking me under their wings and being patient with me. Fast forward to when I had an epiphany in January 2021. I realized I was worth more, and decided that I would start working on how I wanted my life to be. I started applying for jobs that were more fulfilling, I did a lot of shadow work to see what were the deep themes in my life. They were jealousy, hurt, and settling. I refused to do any of that anymore. I was with one of my best friends and I got a text message that would now change my life. It was from a guy who I had talked to when I was dealing with the broken pieces of my life. I decided to take a chance and asked to meet him the weekend after just to see what would happen. I went on the longest date of my dating history. We talked, shared deep things, laughed, and realized we had a lot of commonalities between us. We agreed to see one another again later on in the week. We did and have been going strong since then. Still learning things about one another, but also knowing that both of us had some very bad experiences dating and recognized that the work we would need to do would be ahead of us. I was still at my dead end job and I shared a lot of dreams and plans for my future with everyone. My anxiety keeps creeping in to this day at the times you would least expect it to. I am happier overall, and realize that I have a long life ahead of me. The only thing that I needed to do was be honest with myself, and others around me. I have since left my dead end job and left my work family who will always be in my life. I have a job that makes me feel so fulfilled at the end of the day. I have a goal and a blueprint for my life that is ever changing. My friends and family are still in my life and I would simply be lost without them. I can feel a shift changing to wanting more lasting things to fulfill me rather than temporary ones. Work to live a happy life, and not a mediocre one. Continue to be honest with everyone around me. Love myself first, and never forget the girl I am that has always been there just went on a hiatus for awhile. The flower in the picture is a metaphor it’s tall and growing out of a tough place. Just like me.