This may be the most raw thing I have ever written. As I am sitting here watching the Harvest Moon come to fruition. I am reflecting with tears running down my face. I can feel all the feelings. The past month was a transition to a whole new life, and unknown futures. Most people are excited by the unknown, but it terrifies me. I’m 35 I know I have a lot of life yet, but I feel like I have not accomplished anything. I want to find stupid, real love. I had it, then somehow we both lost our way and I had to let it go. It was stagnant, and I didn’t want to be anymore. We are still friends because it was a relationship of so many intertwined things, and I always wish the best and hope the best for him. Maybe our paths will meet when we are both happier people, but maybe we won’t. I can’t tell the future. It is unknown. I am at a crossroads, and the way things are, my life could be completely different this time next year, in fact I wish it was.
There are health issues going on in my family that are also unknown, and that scares the actual shit out of me. My intention is to be a better person, and to uncover the dark places I keep buried deep so that the future can be my whole being and my whole self. Those dark places need to be bright again after I work through them. I need to focus on me, and put all the effort I had for relationships into building me back up. Everyday is a rollercoaster. I am far too brave to think this is it for me, but that does not mean I am meeting the future with my hands lifted high. I am scared, I am hesitant, I am tired. So I’m Also asking for rest of the mind and soul. Carry my weary soul for a bit, and guide me in the way of my true north. I hope this Harvest Moon you are reflecting on what your next intentions are. Be well.